THE IGUANNA

I used to take the train from Montreal to Toronto every month to visit my parents. It’s a 6-hour train ride. They do not allow pets on the train, so I used to sneak my Iguana on the train every time I went back and forth. I must have sneaked her on the train over a dozen times. The way I used to do it was I would put the Iguana in my gym bag with a sweater or a towel to keep her warm. I would keep the gym bag with me at my seat. Iguannas are are very placid animals. The Iguana always just sleeps the whole trip, except this one time.
For some reason she goes crazy in the bag and tries to escape. The bag starts moving and twisting and writhing and convulsing! I looked up and the train conductor was walking down the aisle collecting the passenger’s tickets. Iguannas are strong lizards, one big muscle, kinda like a big snake, so my entire gym bag was convulsing and moving. By this time the conductor was just two rows away from me! If I got caught with a pet on the train they would fine me and kick me out at the next stop! I put my jacket over the gym bag so the conductor wouldn’t notice it moving. But it didn’t work. Now the bag and the jacket are moving, a lot! So when the conductor came to get my ticket I put the bag between my legs and pretended I was spastic. I was shaking like I was having a seizure! It looked like I had to go to the washroom real bad and couldn’t hold it in anymore. I was shaking my legs more than Elvis! I handed him my ticket while shaking like a crazy person, so he couldn’t tell the bag was moving on it’s own because I was having this seizure. I stopped the spazzing when the conductor went in the next car. The other passengers thought I was a nut!